Parenting by Instinct: How Emotional Awareness Guides Your Best Decisions
Parenting is a crash course in decision-making. From daily questions like "What’s for dinner?" or "When’s bedtime?" to bigger ones like school choices or navigating friendships, we’re constantly making choices that shape our children’s lives. Amid all the advice, research, and opinions, one powerful tool often gets overlooked: our gut instinct.
Parenting decisions can feel especially heavy when emotions—ours and our children’s—are running high. That’s where emotional awareness and connection to our core values become essential.
Why Emotional Awareness Matters
Our emotions can be incredible guideposts—if we take the time to notice them:
Fear might be signaling something that needs protection.
Frustration might highlight a boundary that needs reinforcing or an unmet need.
Sadness could indicate a loss that deserves acknowledgment.
These feelings aren’t random; they’re clues to motivate behaviours. For instance, if your child wants to make a choice that doesn’t sit well with you, that uneasy feeling is your gut prompting you to pause and reflect.
Helping children recognize and process their emotions is equally vital. When we validate their feelings (“I see you’re nervous about starting a new school, and that’s okay”), we teach them emotional resilience and show them their emotions are manageable. Sometimes our own feelings can get in the way of our kids experiencing their own emotions as well. Are you afraid of a new school transition? Having to meet new teachers, changing your own routines or are you worried about being able to be present to support the transition for your child? Talk about what comes up for you around the possible transitions with your partner or child if appropriate.
How to Listen to Your Gut
In today’s world, it’s tempting to look outward for answers. Parenting books and advice from friends can help, but they sometimes drown out our inner voice. Your gut instinct—shaped by your experiences and values—often knows what’s best.
Trusting your gut doesn’t mean making rash decisions. It’s about creating space to listen:
Pause and reflect: Take a moment to breathe and tune into your feelings.
Ask yourself: Does this decision align with the values I want for my family?
This simple practice helps you make thoughtful, values-driven choices. My favourite time to check-in with myself is while I’m driving, just noticing how I am really doing and what worries can be placed in a box for now and what needs to be put on a to do list, pausing from the hamster wheel of life.
Using Core Values as Your Parenting Compass
When the path forward feels unclear, your core values can guide you. They cut through external pressures and comparisons.
For example:
If connection is a core value, you might prioritize activities or schools that foster strong relationships.
If resilience is important, you might focus on teaching your child to embrace challenges.
Take a moment to identify your top three parenting values. Write them down and let them anchor your decisions. If you’re unsure of your values, try the free VIA Character Strengths assessment online and compare results with your partner.
The Benefits of Emotional Awareness and Trusting Your Gut
Parenting with emotional awareness and intuition can lead to:
Clarity: Decisions feel less overwhelming and more aligned with your family’s needs.
Stronger relationships: Validating your child’s emotions builds trust.
Confidence: Value-driven choices help you feel more assured, even during tough times.
A Simple Practice to Start Today
Here’s a tangible way to integrate emotional awareness into your day:
Check-in: Take a deep breath and notice how you’re feeling.
Share Shimmer and Shadow moments: Reflect on moments that align with your values (shimmers) and those that don’t (shadows).
Encourage your child to join in: Create a family ritual where everyone names their shimmers, shadows, and one value to focus on each day.
Trust Yourself
Parenting is full of tough calls and emotional moments. Emotional awareness and gut instinct are powerful tools for navigating this journey. They help you parent with intention, connect deeply with your child, and align your decisions with what matters most.
In a world full of advice, remember this: you are the expert on your family. Trust your emotions, trust your gut, and trust the values that guide you. They will lead you exactly where you need to go.
