I Had a Healthy Baby But I’m Not Okay. Now What?

Jan 4

You can have a healthy baby and still feel anxious, overwhelmed, or not like yourself. Many new mothers experience postpartum anxiety, depression, or birth trauma — even when everything looks “fine” from the outside. If you keep thinking, “My baby is healthy, so why am I not okay?” you’re not alone, and you’re not failing at motherhood.

Emotional struggles after pregnancy or birth are common and treatable. With the right support, including trauma-informed therapy and EMDR, it’s possible to feel calmer, more grounded, and more like yourself again. This article explores why these feelings happen and what to do next.

I had a healthy baby but I don't feel ok…

You might feel guilty even thinking this.

Your baby is healthy.
The delivery is over. You are home from the hospital in your own bed, in your own space.
People tell you that you should be grateful.

And yet… you don’t feel okay.

Maybe you’re anxious all the time.
Maybe you cry and don’t fully know why.
Maybe your body feels tense, on edge, or disconnected.
Maybe you don’t feel like yourself — and you can’t explain it without worrying you’ll sound ungrateful or dramatic or you question what words could possibly describe how I feel?

If this is you, let’s start here:

You are not broken.
And you are not alone.

“Everyone Says This Is Normal — So Why Does It Feel So Hard?”

There is a normal adjustment period after having a baby. Your life changes overnight. Your sleep is disrupted. Your identity shifts.

But there’s a difference between adjusting and struggling.

Many mothers tell me:

“I thought I’d feel better by now”
“Other moms seem to be coping”
“I don’t recognize myself anymore”
“I always wanted a big family, but after this, I dont think I can handle it"
“I keep thinking I should be fine… but I’m not”

When pregnancy, birth, or the postpartum period includes fear, pain, loss of control, medical interventions, isolation, or unmet expectations, the nervous system can stay stuck in survival mode.

That doesn’t mean anything went “wrong” medically.
It means your body experienced something overwhelming and it doesn't know what to do with that information.

“But My Baby Is Healthy — Doesn’t That Mean I Should Be Okay?”

This is one of the most painful myths new mothers carry.

Your nervous system doesn’t measure experiences by outcomes.
It responds to how safe or unsafe things felt in the moment.

You can have:

A healthy baby
A technically “successful” delivery
Supportive people around you

…and still feel anxious, shaken, sad, or disconnected afterward.

There is space for both:

Gratitude for your baby
And all the emotions related to what you went through, and maybe are still going through

One does not cancel out the other.

Signs This Might Be More Than “New-Mom Stress”

You don’t need a diagnosis to deserve support, but many mothers experience postpartum anxiety, depression, or birth trauma without realizing it.

Some common signs include:

Constant worry or racing thoughts you can’t turn off
Feeling on edge, tense, or easily overwhelmed
Trouble sleeping even when the baby sleeps
Replaying parts of your pregnancy or birth
Feeling numb, disconnected, or not like yourself
Guilt for how you’re feeling

If you’re reading this and thinking, “this sounds familiar,” that is all that matters.

“What If I Open This Up and It Gets Worse?”

This is a very real fear.

Many women worry that talking about how they’re feeling will:

Make it more real
Overwhelm them
Take them away from being present with their baby
Drag out the suffering even longer

Trauma-informed, mom-focused therapy doesn’t mean reliving everything or falling apart.

Good therapy helps the nervous system:

Feel safer
Slow down
Process what’s been holding all that tension

For many mothers, relief comes not from “fixing thoughts,” but from finally being understood.

How Therapy Can Help When You’re “Not Okay”

At our clinic, we work with mothers who often say:

“I didn’t think it was bad enough for therapy.”

What matters isn’t whether something was “bad enough,” but whether it’s still affecting you.

Therapy can help you:

Understand what your body and mind are responding to
Reduce anxiety and constant vigilance
Process difficult birth, pregnancy or postpartum experiences (including past losses that do matter)
Reconnect with yourself or discovering yourself in this new chapter
Feel more present — without forcing it

For some women, approaches like EMDR help the nervous system recognize that the danger has passed, so memories and emotions lose their intensity.

If You’re Wondering What to Do Next

You don’t need to have all the answers.
You don’t need to label your experience perfectly or at all really.
You don’t need to wait until things are unbearable.

If something in you knows that you’re not okay — that’s enough to listen.

Support exists.
Healing is possible.
And you don’t have to do this alone.

About the Author

This article was written by Amber Sperling, MSW, RSW, a perinatal mental health therapist specializing in postpartum anxiety, birth trauma, and trauma-informed therapy. Amber supports mothers across Ontario through pregnancy, postpartum, through menopause and beyond. Amber leads a specialized team of therapists focused on women’s mental health.